Finding Guarapero Lost Blues 2
I scanned Pitchfork’s Overlooked Record post late last night. In the process of being overwhelmed by even more music I’ve never heard of, I realized the past month has been a big waste trying to do everything. I continue to get stacks of CD’s from the local library in addition to a hefty number of graphic novels (I will finish a small chunk when due dates leap out). I try to watch TV series, pre-owned DVDs, rentals, and sometimes...talk shows. I should just lock myself in a room with recordings from Mark McGuire and ignore the rest.
But I live for thrift store and discount bin's hidden gems. Trouble is, I never listen or read everything I purchase. Those items just remind me that I'm not anymore better off then before. I think I'm mostly in it for the thrill of finding something I deem as collectible or with nice resale.
I bought three pairs of shoes last week in Seattle. The total was under $80, and I’m really excited about testing them out…but right now the fact that I spent almost 80 buckaroos has me awfully stressed. Before our trip to visit B’s family I made an out of the way trip to Goodwill. I found a new copy of Mercury Rev’s All Is Dream and some other ‘gems’ but all I can think of is all the music I already bought weeks prior…and all those darn library CD’s are just about overdue.
For too long my theme has been “leave me alone”. This changed after Soren was born, because I wanted/want to be around him and B as much as I can. Yet, during these summer months I’m more apt to rub shoulders with this thought process, but with a scarier title - “let me disappear”. Not from my family. I have no desire to vanish from my son or wife. But there's a dangerous expectation and/or thinking of "freedom from work" and "I should get to play because I put in my time during the school year" that visits during these summer months.
I've been dreading the thought of going back to work mostly because I don't like working.
I'm okay with the structure and paycheck. My students are fun...but being away from home is so taxing. I think its a matter of defining 'fair'. I would argue I deserve more for what I do, what I sacrifice, what I miss, and what I have to spend time doing.
Money has become tight as of the past month. Our savings is quickly evaporating. So, there's no way I could operate much longer without work. I'm thankful for summer. I'm thankful its not over. Here's to a stellar end with family and the opportunity to find Will Oldham CD's at Goodwill (which I have).
But I live for thrift store and discount bin's hidden gems. Trouble is, I never listen or read everything I purchase. Those items just remind me that I'm not anymore better off then before. I think I'm mostly in it for the thrill of finding something I deem as collectible or with nice resale.
I bought three pairs of shoes last week in Seattle. The total was under $80, and I’m really excited about testing them out…but right now the fact that I spent almost 80 buckaroos has me awfully stressed. Before our trip to visit B’s family I made an out of the way trip to Goodwill. I found a new copy of Mercury Rev’s All Is Dream and some other ‘gems’ but all I can think of is all the music I already bought weeks prior…and all those darn library CD’s are just about overdue.
For too long my theme has been “leave me alone”. This changed after Soren was born, because I wanted/want to be around him and B as much as I can. Yet, during these summer months I’m more apt to rub shoulders with this thought process, but with a scarier title - “let me disappear”. Not from my family. I have no desire to vanish from my son or wife. But there's a dangerous expectation and/or thinking of "freedom from work" and "I should get to play because I put in my time during the school year" that visits during these summer months.
I've been dreading the thought of going back to work mostly because I don't like working.
I'm okay with the structure and paycheck. My students are fun...but being away from home is so taxing. I think its a matter of defining 'fair'. I would argue I deserve more for what I do, what I sacrifice, what I miss, and what I have to spend time doing.
Money has become tight as of the past month. Our savings is quickly evaporating. So, there's no way I could operate much longer without work. I'm thankful for summer. I'm thankful its not over. Here's to a stellar end with family and the opportunity to find Will Oldham CD's at Goodwill (which I have).
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