And if a double-decker bus...
I certainly never plan to rehash old Novembers and Decembers. But ever since 2003, when I was streaming a line of big change that ruined holidays and made a case for The Smiths being the best soundtrack to document my focus, I can't help but want too.
November 10th is when the first wave hit. B walked the opposite direction on Church St. --maybe smiling, maybe not even raising her head -- I was transfixed. I had to know. Did she smile at me? If so, what scene came next? But in the process of trying to solve this mystery, another unfolded. I soon realized I didn't really care if she had looked...I was swept up in the emotion of liking her. I shared a dance class with her and soon Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays became huge opportunities to study her choices -- whether her fashion sense, work ethic, or how she conversed with others -- B appeared to only be trying to be B. No one else.
But I'm jumping ahead. The real crush sparked 10 days later when I received a true greeting. One others can attest too..if I knew who they were. It still makes me weak in the knees. B was grasping a cup of something warm. She was crossing the street and our paths were off by mere seconds. But I made an effort to say something. I wasn't expecting. I just wanted to look at her face. But when she greeted me with bright eyes, a 'hello' and a smile that would make a priest blush, I was stunned. Floored. Existing through my next class was the hardest event (and I had just taken the MSAT the weekend prior) ever.
The day before Thanksgiving, opportunity and the Lord's response to my prayers and hope were rewarded with a number. It became the first Thanksgiving I wanted to rush through. I thought about B constantly. Food, drink, walks, books -- nothing could shift the focus. True, Circuit City had all CD's in stock for $9.99 on Black Friday, but it's worth was overshadowed by a face and number.
But revisiting the music now transports me to the cold, wet valley weather. The drives to and from school. Those lonely walks. The ones I hoped I would somehow bump into someone who knew B and might be able to share some good news. This was partly due to our first phone call. It was horribly defeating and after sorting through all my options, I found myself writing and listening harder than ever before.
The music I bought:
Love - Forever Changes
John Lennon - Plastic Ono Band
Belle & Sebastian - Dear Catastrophe Waitress
Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism
Postal Service - Give Up
Sun Kil Moon - Ghosts of Great Highway
The Smiths - Louder Than Bombs
Led Zeppelin - Houses of the Holy
The Shins - Chutes Too Narrow
Elvis Costello - Get Happy!
While each of these albums holds a special place --the impact of The Smiths was brand new. I admit I was late in discovering the Manchester quartet...not to mention Love and Lennon's masterpiece. But the timing couldn't have been anymore grand. However, listening to music felt like a trap. I wanted to be everywhere at once. Flying over mountains, writing bad poetry, taking photos, etc. If I could sit still for a song...sometimes it helped. Or it just intensified the longing.
What I found helped pass the time, was creating objects for B. I made a card, gathered materials (photos, food items, things that smelled like Christmas) and I made B a mix for Christmas (my first ever). But as time has gone on I wish I would have used only those songs I heard when she had first crept into my entire days.
I eventually used several Smiths' songs on a Spring Mix only to discover B hated Morrissey's voice. She still laments for something else. But a line like "driving in your car...I never wanted to go home" linked me forever to Morrissey and being in B's white Toyota wagon on our way to see the Nutcracker.
Those short weeks in November and early December are like listening to "There is a Light that Never Goes Out". You hit replay because no other song (month) can match it's meaning and shared experiences.
November 10th is when the first wave hit. B walked the opposite direction on Church St. --maybe smiling, maybe not even raising her head -- I was transfixed. I had to know. Did she smile at me? If so, what scene came next? But in the process of trying to solve this mystery, another unfolded. I soon realized I didn't really care if she had looked...I was swept up in the emotion of liking her. I shared a dance class with her and soon Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays became huge opportunities to study her choices -- whether her fashion sense, work ethic, or how she conversed with others -- B appeared to only be trying to be B. No one else.
But I'm jumping ahead. The real crush sparked 10 days later when I received a true greeting. One others can attest too..if I knew who they were. It still makes me weak in the knees. B was grasping a cup of something warm. She was crossing the street and our paths were off by mere seconds. But I made an effort to say something. I wasn't expecting. I just wanted to look at her face. But when she greeted me with bright eyes, a 'hello' and a smile that would make a priest blush, I was stunned. Floored. Existing through my next class was the hardest event (and I had just taken the MSAT the weekend prior) ever.
The day before Thanksgiving, opportunity and the Lord's response to my prayers and hope were rewarded with a number. It became the first Thanksgiving I wanted to rush through. I thought about B constantly. Food, drink, walks, books -- nothing could shift the focus. True, Circuit City had all CD's in stock for $9.99 on Black Friday, but it's worth was overshadowed by a face and number.
But revisiting the music now transports me to the cold, wet valley weather. The drives to and from school. Those lonely walks. The ones I hoped I would somehow bump into someone who knew B and might be able to share some good news. This was partly due to our first phone call. It was horribly defeating and after sorting through all my options, I found myself writing and listening harder than ever before.
The music I bought:
Love - Forever Changes
John Lennon - Plastic Ono Band
Belle & Sebastian - Dear Catastrophe Waitress
Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism
Postal Service - Give Up
Sun Kil Moon - Ghosts of Great Highway
The Smiths - Louder Than Bombs
Led Zeppelin - Houses of the Holy
The Shins - Chutes Too Narrow
Elvis Costello - Get Happy!
While each of these albums holds a special place --the impact of The Smiths was brand new. I admit I was late in discovering the Manchester quartet...not to mention Love and Lennon's masterpiece. But the timing couldn't have been anymore grand. However, listening to music felt like a trap. I wanted to be everywhere at once. Flying over mountains, writing bad poetry, taking photos, etc. If I could sit still for a song...sometimes it helped. Or it just intensified the longing.
What I found helped pass the time, was creating objects for B. I made a card, gathered materials (photos, food items, things that smelled like Christmas) and I made B a mix for Christmas (my first ever). But as time has gone on I wish I would have used only those songs I heard when she had first crept into my entire days.
I eventually used several Smiths' songs on a Spring Mix only to discover B hated Morrissey's voice. She still laments for something else. But a line like "driving in your car...I never wanted to go home" linked me forever to Morrissey and being in B's white Toyota wagon on our way to see the Nutcracker.
Those short weeks in November and early December are like listening to "There is a Light that Never Goes Out". You hit replay because no other song (month) can match it's meaning and shared experiences.
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